A GENTLE PUSH

You are exactly where you need to be, AND you might be readier than you think.

If you have spent a good portion of your life in the habit of hustling, if you believe that you need to work hard to get things done or to get what you want, it is then natural for you to take the same habit into your healing journey.

You might believe that

you need to get to the root of every issue,

you need to resolve every past wounding,

you need to understand each pattern and what lies beneath them,

you are broken and need to be fixed, and that it needs hard work.

So, when you come across gentle approaches that see you as already whole as you are, it feels like such a relief. And that's where, finally, real change starts to happen. Because change can only happen after you acknowledge where you are at in this moment and allow yourself to go at the pace you are ready for.

You cannot force yourself into transformation. It is a gentle unfolding in which you acknowledge and sit with each layer, layer after layer. It's almost as if you are doing nothing other than allowing the process to unfold.

But what if there comes a point where this relief of finally being validated in your timing and pace takes over the healing journey? What if this relief of finally letting yourself be where you are and go with the pace that you are comfortable with starts to hinder the process of transformation?

People usually come to breathwork having recognized the patterns that they keep finding themselves in and want to transform. Yesterday, a breather I was sitting for was talking about how they always anticipated the worst thing to happen, and how deeply they wanted to change this pattern. After setting a meaningful intention for themselves, they lied down to breathe. What came up during the session was a decision around trust. They realized that they had decided that they can’t trust people, things, or circumstances. They had decided that life cannot be trusted.

When someone gets in touch with a decision that has been made earlier in their life, we ask them: “Can you see how valid it was to make this decision at the time? Can you see how this has been playing out throughout your whole life?”

Because there is so much power in validating the decision that has been made by a part of yourself that was small and vulnerable, and that it was the wisest thing to do to protect yourself at the time.

And then the next question is: “Does this still feel true for you?”

Sometimes the answer is “no, it doesn’t”, and the person is ready to make a new decision.

And that’s great. That’s where a new way of being starts to anchor in.

Other times the answer is, “yes, it still feels true for me”.

And that's okay. We deeply trust a person's unique process and validate them in each step of their journey. We acknowledge where they are by saying: “Safe to feel that way. Noticing what happens in your body when you validate that it still feels true for you.”

Lately, I intuitively started to ask another question at this point: “Can you let that decision be there AND set an intention for it to be different? Even if you don't believe that it's possible right now, can you make space for both to exist side by side?”

Most of the time, the answer is “yes, I can hold them both”.

It doesn't necessarily mean that this person's relationship with life is going to change dramatically after the session. It doesn't necessarily mean that they will trust whatever comes their way starting from now on. What it means is that they are now reminded of the possibility that the part of themselves who created this decision to keep them safe is now an adult who is capable of making a new decision and creating safety in this new way of being and relating to life.

Because a pattern is not a prison, it is a window into our past where something made it necessary for that pattern to come into existence.

But it's not making itself known to make us linger in the past decisions. It is a reminder of who we used to be and an invitation towards who we can become.

There is so much power in noticing the pattern, acknowledging that it's been there because of an early life imprint, and that it's been useful up to this point.

There is also so much power in checking in with your willingness and readiness to rewrite it, and to begin anew. Because although it's true that you are exactly where you need to be, you might be readier than you think.

To check in with your readiness and willingness, you can start asking yourself these questions:

What new truth can emerge in this moment?

What new way of being is already presenting itself as accessible?

Can I acknowledge that I am an adult, who is free to choose, free to make a new decision, free to have another relationship with life to the degree that I am ready and willing for?

Can I acknowledge that a new decision might already be there, waiting for me to claim it?

You cannot force yourself into transformation. But you can gently push yourself towards what's possible right now. And that gentle push might be what you need to embody the new truth that is already there, waiting for you to claim it.